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no one ever says that Rome needed help from aliens to build their empire

Well, I’m going to start. 

Have you seen the quality of their sculpture? I don’t see anything that realistic in tree Tate Modern! Aliens. Only explanation.

I mean, they used gladiator sweat as a cosmetic and dyed their hair blue! CLEARLY ALIEN-INFLUENCED. 

Only aliens would consider the flying penis a good luck charm:

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